Myths Debunked: Masturbation Edition
Masturbation! What is it? There can be many different answers to this question, but this is how we define it at Masakhane: masturbation is when you touch your body when you’re horny, usually to feel pleasure and/or have an orgasm.
So first things first: how does that definition make you feel? Is it different from other definitions you have heard, whether it be from your sex ed teachers, friends, or parents? It’s possible you probably heard one or two myths about masturbation. In fact, many myths started as an intimidation tactic so that it can scare people and stop them from masturbating, calling it “sinful” or “disgusting” even though masturbation is totally okay. Here at Masakhane, we encourage you to explore your bodies so that you can discover what you like sexually. We also encourage you to not masturbate if you do not want to! We emphasize your agency and your choices.
That is all to say: learning how to differentiate myths from facts is very important. So let me help debunk some of the most common myths so you have the power to decide what you want to do.
Masturbating will ruin you for sex. This is a MYTH.
This is one of the more common myths used to intimidate you from masturbation, and I can promise you that masturbating won’t ruin you for sex. Masturbation is all about exploring your body and finding out what gives you pleasure. You can masturbate and still enjoy sex. Also, it can actually help when you have sex. If you’re with a partner or partner(s), you can tell them what you like. Usually, communicating this to your partner(s) can make it a better experience since they want to know how to make you feel good. Also, if your partner(s) doesn’t like the idea of you masturbating, you may want to rethink if they are the right partner(s) for you.
Masturbating will make you gay. This is a MYTH.
Whew, this is a double whammy. What a thing to say. Not only is this another scare tactic, but it’s also anti-queer. When exploring yourself sexually, you may also be exploring your orientation. You’re discovering who and what type of people you’re attracted to. For some people, this can mean discovering that they are attracted to other genders. But masturbating didn’t turn them gay, it only gave them the opportunity to explore their identity and figure out who they are. And even if this myth was true, there is nothing wrong with being gay. Gay is not a bad word, nor is it ever a bad thing to be.
Masturbating on your period is harmful. This is a MYTH.
Masturbating on your period is totally okay! No harm is done to your body, and masturbation during your period can actually be beneficial. For example, masturbating can help relieve some premenstrual tension and other physical conditions during your period, like cramps. Another fun fact is that your period can be a great lubricant when masturbating. It can be a bit messy, but just lay down a towel and you’re good to go!
Women do not masturbate. This is a MYTH.
It’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it type of myth, but this has a lot of misogynistic and heteronormative undertones to it when you dig deeper into it. It implies that women should not masturbate at all since it is “abnormal”, and it is only normal when men do it. It also stemmed from puritanical beliefs that intimidated women into staying “pure” for their husbands in order to remove their sexual agency, which is obviously nonsense. Statistically, most women masturbate, whether they’re 15 or 55, single or married or partnered. Sex researchers even found that some fetuses can masturbate in utero, meaning that many of us probably started masturbating before we were even born. It sounds unbelievable, but it’s true!
There are only “right” or “correct” ways to masturbate. This is a MYTH.
There are no “weird” or “bad” ways to masturbate. Unless it’s harmful to the person who’s masturbating, there’s no wrong way to masturbate. And there’s no “one” way to masturbate either. Every person masturbates in their own way! They can use their hands, rub against something, use a sex toy, wear special clothing, fantasize, look at a movie, book or magazine, try different positions, look in a mirror, or various other ways. People masturbate in all kinds of positions: lying down, sitting up, standing up or squatting. You may even surprise yourself and you’ll find things that work for you when trying something new. What works for any of us tends to be the things we discover just by experimenting with our own bodies over a period of time, so it’s important to remember to enjoy yourself and give yourself some leeway while exploring. Before we hit a home run, we usually have to strike out a few times.
That’s it! While there are so many more myths, I hope some of these debunkings were a helpful start for you and your journey (whether it be sexually or identity-wise). And before you go, here are some benefits to masturbation to counter some of the harmful myths you may have heard.
Benefits to Masturbation
It’s 100% safe sex! You can totally avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.
It helps to keep vaginas lubricated and can build a resistance to yeast infections.
It’s a means of endorphin release – it can make you smile!
It leads to relaxed sleeping conditions.
It’s a super form of stress reduction and it relieves sexual tension.
Happy exploring! :)